| 26 October 2004 |
Kids suck.
Going through the Sunday paper, there is a section where kids can write in a letter about any topic. Here are a couple of those letters, and my replies.
Rugrats for me.
Rugrats is one of the best cartoons of all time. The gang of babies think outside the square and set a good example for the littlies. All my friends are into make-up and boys (not that I don't like these things), but I still watch cartoons. Maybe kids will laugh at me, but I don't care. It's a free country.
- Sophie, 11.
Well that was an excellent letter Sophie, however what do you mean by the "babies think outside the square"? If you mean they misinterpret how life really is because of their smaller minds, and have a warped understanding of reality, then yes; I guess you're right. They do think outside the square.
I'd also like to mention Sophie, that you are 11 years old. You are still a "littlie", you aren't even out of primary school yet. Considering that your friends are all into boys and makeup, suggests to me that they're all skanks, and are starting fairly early. When I was 11, the boys liked sports and the girls like whatever girls like. And didn't like each other.
Oh, and a "free country". I love this one. Every young Australian loves to pull out that classic comment at some point in their life:
"Get out of my seat".
"No, it's a free country".
I love it when someone says that to me, it's like some invulnerable comeback to any comment. I'd like to illustrate to you Sophie, that this isn't a free country. We are under control by a government, and are ruled by laws. If by free country you mean; you can watch whatever you like. You sure can, unless it's child pornography, then you've got a problem with the law. However, being in your fantasy of a free country, all those "kids" have every right to hang shit on you, because it's a free country right?
Idiot.
Princess crazy.
My favourite movie is The Princess Diaries. When I saw it I became princess crazy. My mum is always telling me that on your wedding day you feel like a princess. One day I hope I marry a Prince.
- Kennedy, 8.
Hi Kennedy. Your letter has immediately, and primarily determined the quality of your character.
I love how you have a false idea of reality. I guess you think that this prince will be handsome, and dashing, and romantic right?
Just to help you along, here is what you're in for.
Rugrats for me.
Rugrats is one of the best cartoons of all time. The gang of babies think outside the square and set a good example for the littlies. All my friends are into make-up and boys (not that I don't like these things), but I still watch cartoons. Maybe kids will laugh at me, but I don't care. It's a free country.
- Sophie, 11.
Well that was an excellent letter Sophie, however what do you mean by the "babies think outside the square"? If you mean they misinterpret how life really is because of their smaller minds, and have a warped understanding of reality, then yes; I guess you're right. They do think outside the square.
I'd also like to mention Sophie, that you are 11 years old. You are still a "littlie", you aren't even out of primary school yet. Considering that your friends are all into boys and makeup, suggests to me that they're all skanks, and are starting fairly early. When I was 11, the boys liked sports and the girls like whatever girls like. And didn't like each other.
Oh, and a "free country". I love this one. Every young Australian loves to pull out that classic comment at some point in their life:
"Get out of my seat".
"No, it's a free country".
I love it when someone says that to me, it's like some invulnerable comeback to any comment. I'd like to illustrate to you Sophie, that this isn't a free country. We are under control by a government, and are ruled by laws. If by free country you mean; you can watch whatever you like. You sure can, unless it's child pornography, then you've got a problem with the law. However, being in your fantasy of a free country, all those "kids" have every right to hang shit on you, because it's a free country right?
Idiot.
Princess crazy.
My favourite movie is The Princess Diaries. When I saw it I became princess crazy. My mum is always telling me that on your wedding day you feel like a princess. One day I hope I marry a Prince.
- Kennedy, 8.
Hi Kennedy. Your letter has immediately, and primarily determined the quality of your character.
I love how you have a false idea of reality. I guess you think that this prince will be handsome, and dashing, and romantic right?
Just to help you along, here is what you're in for.
| 22 October 2004 |
Collateral in 3 easy steps.
- Goto your wallet.
- Pull out a crisp clean $20 note.
- Burn it.
And there you have it, you've experienced the movie Collateral.
- Goto your wallet.
- Pull out a crisp clean $20 note.
- Burn it.
And there you have it, you've experienced the movie Collateral.
| 12 October 2004 |
The decaying community.
Although this is nothing new; alcohol has been a great result in the decay of our communities.
And TV ads such as the ones produced by Bundaberg and Cougar, are perfect examples of simple minded stupidity as a result of alcohol.
Bundaberg have created a great set of TV ads that show a bunch of random yobbo's drinking Bundy, while the Bundaberg Bear does something stupid to help these guys get chicks.
The ad then polishes itself off nicely by quoting the word "classic". There is never anything classic about what the bear has done, it's just stupid.
Not that the Cougar ad is any better. The ads show a guy doing or seeing something stupid, and then cuts to the guy telling his mates, while they sit around getting pissed.
It also finishes itself off by stating their quote; "It never happened 'till you tell your mates".
As if to suggest that no one will ever know what happened unless you tell them. Wow! Great annotation you dumb fucks.
You know what, my complaints are pathetic and weak, but I had to make my point.
And TV ads such as the ones produced by Bundaberg and Cougar, are perfect examples of simple minded stupidity as a result of alcohol.
Bundaberg have created a great set of TV ads that show a bunch of random yobbo's drinking Bundy, while the Bundaberg Bear does something stupid to help these guys get chicks.
The ad then polishes itself off nicely by quoting the word "classic". There is never anything classic about what the bear has done, it's just stupid.
Not that the Cougar ad is any better. The ads show a guy doing or seeing something stupid, and then cuts to the guy telling his mates, while they sit around getting pissed.
It also finishes itself off by stating their quote; "It never happened 'till you tell your mates".
As if to suggest that no one will ever know what happened unless you tell them. Wow! Great annotation you dumb fucks.
You know what, my complaints are pathetic and weak, but I had to make my point.
| 08 October 2004 |
Work's unyielding rod.
Ever known the rewarding feeling of having a rod forced up your ass every morning, without lubrication?
Well I can't say that I have, but I bet it would feel the same as walking into my work for the past 3 weeks. Filling in for the full-time storeman has been the most boring, painful, dirty, smelly, annoying, shit of a job i've ever had to work in the store.
I'm not even going to get into the shit i've had to do, it gives me a headache just to think about it. So take my word for it when I say that it's sucked some serious hard cock.
End of rant.
Well I can't say that I have, but I bet it would feel the same as walking into my work for the past 3 weeks. Filling in for the full-time storeman has been the most boring, painful, dirty, smelly, annoying, shit of a job i've ever had to work in the store.
I'm not even going to get into the shit i've had to do, it gives me a headache just to think about it. So take my word for it when I say that it's sucked some serious hard cock.
End of rant.
| 03 October 2004 |
AvP Review
I don't even know where to begin with this movie... It was so God damn bad.
I will make this review short, because I don't want to sit here and re-live the experience that is Alien vs. Predator.
I guess I can start with the good points:
- Graphics
Yep, that's about it for the movie; the graphics were good. And the one and only fight scene where a Predator took on an Alien in a clash of the pussied up species.
The Aliens (serpents) weren't scary at all, and neither were the Predators. We've spent our lives growing up in fear of the two species of aliens, and that fear can be laid to rest when you see AvP, because that fear goes right out the door the moment the opening scene starts.
The Aliens in AvP looked cooler, but lacked any of the scary feel that their predecessors had in the films 'Aliens' and 'Alien'.
The Predators were the most pussied up of them all. In early parts of the movie, two Predators get killed by one Alien, and the third one cops a Face Hugger. All because he got cocky and took his helmet off, idiot.
After a lot of Humans running around being scared and killed by the Predator/Aliens; this lady gives the last standing Predator a shoulder cannon (which they took earlier from a box in the temple). The Predator, being gay, spared her life. And then made the lady a weapon out of an Alien's tail and a shield out of an Alien's head.
You think this movie was shit before that? Now it gets worse; because the lady now teams up with the Predator in a royal rumble to bitch-slap the Alien's and lay some smack-down on their "ugly asses". She completely disregards the fact that the Predator lured her and her friends into the temple so they could be hosts for the Aliens. But don't bother with rational thinking, this is a movie we're talking about!
Oh, I might like to mention, that the story in this movie gives the impression that we used to worship these Predators, as they taught us how to build and such. Which is fortunate, because I can only imagine how uncomfortable it would have been for us in the past to be living out in the open with no shelter. I guess our minds were too small to grasp the simple concept of construction.
Anyway, after some more bitch-slapping from the Predator and more abuse coming from the lady, being thrown towards the Aliens for being ugly; they both finally reach the surface, and the predator takes off his helmet. Sure, Aliens aren't attractive, but the Predator isn't going to win any beauty contests either, yet the lady thinks nothing of it.
The Predator then takes out a limb from a Face Hugger and burns a symbol into the ladies cheek, to show that she killed an Alien or some shit, because it's an honor to be able to kill them.
Just when you're about to get up and leave, the movie throws another twist at you, as the Queen Alien climbs out of the rubble that was caused when the Predator blew up the temple.
Another crappy battle occurs and the Queen Alien gives us another display of being pussied up when she dies very quickly. Although she killed the Predator, which was good.
Then this Predator ship un-cloaked, and some head Predator guy sees the symbol on the ladies cheek, and gives her some Predator spear, which she gladly accepts without question. Might I mention again, that these Predators are at fault for her friends being killed.
Then happily, the movie ends.
In conclusion, don't see AvP. It's about as rewarding as beating a child with downs; there's no competition, and even though you win, you lose.
An Alien and Predator pucker up for a kiss.
I will make this review short, because I don't want to sit here and re-live the experience that is Alien vs. Predator.
I guess I can start with the good points:
- Graphics
The Aliens (serpents) weren't scary at all, and neither were the Predators. We've spent our lives growing up in fear of the two species of aliens, and that fear can be laid to rest when you see AvP, because that fear goes right out the door the moment the opening scene starts.
The Aliens in AvP looked cooler, but lacked any of the scary feel that their predecessors had in the films 'Aliens' and 'Alien'.
The Predators were the most pussied up of them all. In early parts of the movie, two Predators get killed by one Alien, and the third one cops a Face Hugger. All because he got cocky and took his helmet off, idiot.
After a lot of Humans running around being scared and killed by the Predator/Aliens; this lady gives the last standing Predator a shoulder cannon (which they took earlier from a box in the temple). The Predator, being gay, spared her life. And then made the lady a weapon out of an Alien's tail and a shield out of an Alien's head.
You think this movie was shit before that? Now it gets worse; because the lady now teams up with the Predator in a royal rumble to bitch-slap the Alien's and lay some smack-down on their "ugly asses". She completely disregards the fact that the Predator lured her and her friends into the temple so they could be hosts for the Aliens. But don't bother with rational thinking, this is a movie we're talking about!
Oh, I might like to mention, that the story in this movie gives the impression that we used to worship these Predators, as they taught us how to build and such. Which is fortunate, because I can only imagine how uncomfortable it would have been for us in the past to be living out in the open with no shelter. I guess our minds were too small to grasp the simple concept of construction.
Anyway, after some more bitch-slapping from the Predator and more abuse coming from the lady, being thrown towards the Aliens for being ugly; they both finally reach the surface, and the predator takes off his helmet. Sure, Aliens aren't attractive, but the Predator isn't going to win any beauty contests either, yet the lady thinks nothing of it.
The Predator then takes out a limb from a Face Hugger and burns a symbol into the ladies cheek, to show that she killed an Alien or some shit, because it's an honor to be able to kill them.
Just when you're about to get up and leave, the movie throws another twist at you, as the Queen Alien climbs out of the rubble that was caused when the Predator blew up the temple.
Another crappy battle occurs and the Queen Alien gives us another display of being pussied up when she dies very quickly. Although she killed the Predator, which was good.
Then this Predator ship un-cloaked, and some head Predator guy sees the symbol on the ladies cheek, and gives her some Predator spear, which she gladly accepts without question. Might I mention again, that these Predators are at fault for her friends being killed.
Then happily, the movie ends.
In conclusion, don't see AvP. It's about as rewarding as beating a child with downs; there's no competition, and even though you win, you lose.
An Alien and Predator pucker up for a kiss.
